“[A trauma survivor] finds herself caught between the extremes of amnesia or of reliving the trauma, between floods of intense, overwhelming feelings and arid states of no feeling at all, between irritable, impulsive action and complete inhibition of action. The instability produced by these periodic alternations further exacerbates the traumatized person’s sense of unpredictability and helplessness.” Judith Herman, an American psychiatrist, researcher, teacher, and author.
It is not uncommon for trauma survivors to feel like they are on a roller coaster of emotions. Being “triggered”, “set off” , etc are terms we use for sudden emotional eruptions. When these appear to be a surprise, it can be frustrating and a person might feel out of control. Other times, the opposite may occur. We may feel numb and completely shut off emotionally.
How can we combat and decrease the frequency of these times?
First, we can notice how our body feels. Paying attention to how we feel physically can help us recognize how we feel emotionally. We truly physically “feel” feelings. We can ask ourselves where in our body we feel worry, sadness, anger, etc. Maybe we get pain in our stomach, a headache, or a tense neck. Noticing how our body feels is the first step in recognizing our emotions.
Second, we can name the emotion when we feel it. This may look like thinking “my stomach feels unsettled. I feel worried.” Or, it may be “my neck is tight, I feel stressed.” People can minimize symptoms by saying “ it is all in your head.” The brain plays such a central role in our well being that it makes sense psychiatric illnesses impact the rest of the body. Our emotions truly do have physical sensations. Recognizing these sensations can help us understand ourselves more and help us to be less surprised by strong and sudden emotions.
Third, we can expect to make mistakes. We, and others, will make mistakes. The saying goes that to err is human. Mr. Rogers said “The most important learning is the ability to accept and expect mistakes, and deal with the disappointments that they bring.” Despite acknowledging that humans make mistakes, we often have difficulty accepting OUR mistakes and having self compassion when we fall short of our expectations.
Last, we can surrender to our life path. Along our life path, we encounter obstacles and difficulties. As we learn to surrender when we come across these, we learn to bend instead of break. Our journey of life actually may be more like a river than a path. Just as life is always moving, a river is always moving. Our river of life may take us to unexpected turns and have surprising waterfalls, but our river of life is ours. As we surrender to the ride on our river, we are better able to be patient with ourselves, others and circumstances.
